Coercive control is a form of hidden abuse that can often go unnoticed due to the fact it is not physical. It is a form of domestic abuse that extends beyond physical violence, manifesting in subtle yet insidious ways to exert dominance and manipulate a victim’s life (Stark, 2007). Recent research demonstrates that coercive control exposure is linked to PTSD and depression, with long-term mental health implications (Lohmann et al., 2023). According to Biderman’s Chart of Coercion (Biderman, 1957), this harmful pattern often unfolds in four stages: Isolation, Exhaustion, Degradation, and Threats. Coercive Control is criminalized in Canada, the UK and Australia among other countried.
How do I know if I am experiencing coercive control?
Below we will talk more about the four stages of coercive control and offer some examples of behavior.
Isolation
The initial stage of coercive control involves isolating the victim from friends, family, and support networks (Johnson, 2008). Recent research indicates that this pattern affects a significant proportion of intimate partner relationships, with 87% of participants in one study reporting coercive control from a former partner (Boxall et al., 2020). By severing ties with external relationships, the victim becomes increasingly reliant on the abuser, facilitating a power dynamic that sets the stage for further manipulation (Dutton & Goodman, 2005). Contemporary studies have also identified digital coercive control as a growing concern, where technology is used to monitor, harass, and control victims (Woodlock et al., 2020).
This can include:
- Excessive calls and texts
- Love bombing
- Discouraging seeing friends/testing loyalties
- Turning up places without being invited
- Moving in together quite quickly
- Suggesting and acting on moving to a joint bank account
- Suggesting there is no need for two cars
- Checking up on you
- Going everywhere with you
- Emotional blackmail
Exhaustion
Once isolation is established, the abuser often employs tactics to mentally, emotionally, and physically exhaust the victim (Walker, 2009). Exhaustion serves to break down the victim’s mental resilience, making them more susceptible to manipulation and literally too tired to deal with it (Herman, 2015). Recent systematic reviews have highlighted how coercive control differs from situational couple violence, emphasizing the ongoing pattern of power and control rather than isolated incidents (Crossman et al., 2022).
This can include:
- Holding you alone responsible for their happiness
- Their needs dominate yours
- Sexual demands
- Housework – to excess
- Jealousy
- Comparison to others
- Unpredictable behavior
- You may start feeling anxious and depressed
- You may start to feel ashamed of yourself/your relationship and start hiding things from friends and family
- You may start to feel ill or under the weather more often
Degradation
The degradation stage involves systematically eroding the victim’s self-esteem and confidence (Stark, 2013). Contemporary research has shown that children exposed to interparental coercive control also experience significant negative outcomes, including behavioral and emotional difficulties (Silva et al., 2023).
This can include:
- Dehumanization
- Made to sleep on the floor
- Rejection of food offered
- Withholding of money
- Withholding of sex/affection
- Permission to do basic things
- Withholding of basic needs like sanitary products
Threats
The final stage of coercive control involves the use of threats to maintain dominance and control over the victim (Campbell et al., 2003). These threats can take various forms, including physical harm, harm to loved ones, or even legal consequences.
This can include:
- ‘If you leave, I’ll find you.’
- ‘If you leave, I’ll kill you/myself’
- ‘You are crazy, no one will believe you.’
- ‘I’ll beat up x y or z’
- Silent treatment
- Attacking pets
- Taking children away
- Withholding money, medication, drugs
What to do if you are experiencing coercive control
You can call the following numbers:
United States:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (voice) / TTY 1-800-787-3224
- LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Support (Network/La Red): 800-832-1901
- StrongHearts Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483 (call or text)
Learn more about coercive control here.
References
Biderman, A. D. (1957). Communist attempts to elicit false confessions from Air Force prisoners of war. Bulletin of the New York Academy of Medicine, 33(9), 616-625.
Boxall, H., Dowling, C., & Morgan, A. (2020). Experiences of coercive control among Australian women: Prevalence, measurement and impacts. Australian Institute of Criminology.
Campbell, J. C., Webster, D., Koziol-McLain, J., Block, C., Campbell, D., Curry, M. A., … & Laughon, K. (2003). Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study. American Journal of Public Health, 93(7), 1089-1097.
Crossman, K. A., Hardesty, J. L., Raffaelli, M., & Herrera, L. (2022). Coercive control in intimate partner violence: Relationship with women’s experience of violence, use of violence, and danger. Psychology of Violence, 12(1), 1-12.
Dutton, M. A., & Goodman, L. A. (2005). Coercion in intimate partner violence: Toward a new conceptualization. Sex roles, 52(11-12), 743-756.
Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence–from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
Johnson, M. P. (2008). A typology of domestic violence: Intimate terrorism, violent resistance, and situational couple violence. Northeastern University Press.
Lohmann, S., Cowlishaw, S., Ney, L., O’Donnell, M., & Felmingham, K. (2023). The trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 24(4), 2398-2413.
Silva, J., Magalhães, E., & Antunes, C. (2023). Interparental coercive control and child and family outcomes: A systematic review. Child Abuse & Neglect, 135, 105998.
Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.
Stark, E. (2013). Coercive control: Update and review. Violence Against Women, 19(8), 992-1019.
Walker, L. E. (2009). The battered woman syndrome. Springer Publishing Company.
Woodlock, D., McKenzie, M., Western, D., & Harris, B. (2020). Technology as a weapon in domestic violence: Responding to digital coercive control. Australian Social Work, 73(3), 368-380.